Ed Sochacki Sr. was named as Bench Coach this offseason for the Diamondbacks.

The start of the baseball season may still be months away but the Evergreen Park Diamondbacks announced Friday that Ed Sochacki Sr. will be joining the team in an official advisory role as Bench Coach.

The elder Sochacki (pictured here with sons Thad (left) and Ed (right)) will assist the team with everything from personnel decisions and well as advanced scouting. The addition to the coaching staff will allow manager Sergio Senese to concentrate on improving his batting average this year by paying more attention to belt-high, center-cut fastballs./wildstallions2.jpg” alt=”Ed Sochacki Sr. was named bench coach by the Diamondbacks this offseason.” title=”wildstallions2″ width=”412″ height=”232″ class=”size-full wp-image-142″ />[/caption]

“In all my years of knowing Tom, I know he would not try to hurt anyone, He doesn’t have an ounce of arsenic in his ink”. – J. Jonah Jameson. “Serves him right, that blasted Janala, always stealing my stories, maybe they should break his nose”. – Geraldo Rivera. “All I have to say is Tom tells it like he sees it” – Lou Grant. As for myself, I have never seen Mr. Jalana assassinate anyone’s character, although I was wrong about that Hobbs guy being washed up, I new I had seen him before.

If indicted, Mr. Jalana could face stiff fines and censorship, including limited stories on SSWBL baseball and the Evergreen Park Diamondbacks. Mr. Jalana’s attorney had this to say. “We will fight this all the way to the highest court possible, even if a Kangaroo is Judge” – Peter Francis Geracci. If this gets too large, Mr. Geracy said he will seek the help of Briskman and Briskman, and Barry R. Rabovsky. Even famous attorney Jackie Childs has lent some legal advice “If the ink doesn’t match the print, you must acquit.”

Whatever happens will definitely change the course of news reporting in the future. “It’s bad enough we speak the truth as much as possible, but now this. It makes it bad for the honest news guy trying to make a living”. – The Onion.

Hopefully this will all blow over and we can get back to the hard-edge news that we are used to hearing.

The D-Backs are expected to start right-handed pitcher Thad Sochacki (0-0; 0.00 ERA; 7K) in the first game at 11am and will follow him with veteran right-handed pitcher Ed Sochacki (1-0; 1.16 ERA; 6K) for the 2pm game. This game promises to live up to the Southside-Northside hype that has been building up since the end of last year’s league.

“I don’t care if they’re NOT the Chicago Cubs,” said Ed Sochacki. “We will beat them anyway – even if one of their best hitters is out with a pulled back muscle cause by a sneezing attack. Any reincarnation of a team that hasn’t won a World Series in 90+ years deserves to loose,” he stated. (Ed) Sochacki says that he is determined to strikeout at least a dozen Cubs in their 7 inning game. Said Sochacki, “Let’s make it a Baker’s Dozen and shoot for 13.”

For the Diamondbacks, this is their home opener at Maltese Field and fans are encouraged to come out and show their support as the City of Cicero donated the field to the SWIL League to promote baseball around the Cicero area. “This is big for the City of Cicero,” said the ex-Mayor from jail. “Let’s just home nobody gets whacked out there – there’s a lot of woods out there to loose a body.”

“The car wash is a great idea and it’s something we are doing for the fans that come out to support us, but it’s not the only thing happening that day,” he said.

Between games, the Diamondbacks (who lack a Jumbotron highlight system) will hold their special version of the ever-popular “pick the winner” contest where three contestants square-off in a race to round the bases. Sochacki said that the team and their corporate sponsors are planning to add a “special twist” to the event.

“We are having our players run the bases with our sponsors’ products. It’s an extension of our endorsement contracts and a natural fit, all things considered,” he said.

Fans present at the game will be able to pick between three teams. Representing the Yellow Team will be outfielder Dan Hollingsted, carrying a Steinway and Sons Baby-Grand Piano on his back. For the Blue Team, shortstop Pete Gubricky will run with four cans of Crisco Lard around his waist, and finally, for the Red Team, Thad Sochacki will team-up with Crosby Casket Company and attempt to drag a “dead weight” mannequin around the diamond. A Crosby spokesperson felt that while an actual body “would have been more realistic,” public outcry would have been intense.

“Gubricky may have an early advantage and is the early favor to win the event,” said former outfielder Kris Norton, “ but he’s one-for-four in stolen bases this year and everyone knows you can’t steal bases when you’re a lard ass, no pun intended.”

If those two events aren’t enough, the Diamondbacks are in negotiations with the U.S. Federal Government on the release of former Cicero Mayor Betty Loren-Maltese. Under the current proposal to the government, if a Diamondback player hits a home run AND it hits the left field scoreboard (like Ryan Flood’s homerun on Sunday did), the U.S. Federal Government would release the former mayor. While details are still being worked out between the two parties, neighborhood reaction has been positive.

“What a great promotion,” said Frank, who asked that his last name not be used. “It beats the ‘hit-the-bull, win-a-steak’ promotion they ran in the movie Bull Durham.”

Downloadable tickets for fan appreciation day and further details, will eventually be available on the team’s website at www.evergreenparkdiamondbacks.com.

On Saturday and Sunday, the Evergreen Park Diamondback offense resembled a WWII battleship, as the team shelled their opponents into submission in each of the four games over the weekend.

“Bombs, all bombs,” said centerfielder Brett Flood, “that’s all we hit.”

The Diamondbacks fell behind early, trailing Naperville by five runs after three innings before the offense launched their unrelenting assault on the opposition’s pitching staff in the bottom of the third inning. 13 unanswered runs were scored and before anyone noticed, the game was halted for the “slaughter rule.” Final score, Diamondbacks 13, Naperville 5.

Game two on Saturday saw more of the same. Another Diamondback win by slaughter. After five innings, it was the Diamondbacks 12, Naperville 2.

24-hours later, the offense launched another assault, this time on the West Cicero Cubs. 29 runs were to score over 10 innings of play. Another double-header, another double slaughter. The Diamondback pitching staff also contributed with 10 shut-out innings.

A total of 54 runs were scored in a combined total of 20 innings.

After Sunday’s game, Diamondback Manager Joe Cipolla was informed that United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan received a call complaining about the slaughters that occurred over the weekend at the hands of the Diamondbacks.

“We are looking into sanctions, although I can not say exactly what they will be,” said Annan. “When there is this much of a disparity of power in the league, we must try and make things more fair or all. Nobody likes to get slaughtered,” he said.

Cipolla, who has been disgruntled with the lack of aid provided by member teams for field maintenance said his team “will not allow sanctions to cripple the team” and that the Diamondbacks “will triumphantly march on toward victory and capture both league titles.”

“Annan is a non-factor and this is not a democracy,” said Cipolla.

Phil Viggiani makes his way out to the mound to check on pitcher Ed Sochacki after several errors made for a very long inning.

The Evergreen Park Diamondbacks spilt Sunday’s doubleheader against the Chicago Strays in front of a crowd of 26 people at the West Cicero Sports Complex. The series marks the fourth time the Diamondbacks failed to sweep their opponent this season.

“We are not playing good, fundamental baseball,” said Manager Joe Cipolla. “We need to make the routine plays. It’s a simple game: you hit the ball, you catch the ball and you throw the ball – we have to do all three to be successful,” he said.

The Diamondbacks got off to a shaky start in the first game, committing three errors in the first inning that led to three unearned runs by the Strays. Pitcher Ed Sochacki, first baseman Ted Andrysiak and short stop Pete Gubricky made their contributions to the team’s league-worst fielding percentage.

“It’s a crap shoot out there. It seems we make one out of three plays,” said Andrysiak.

Fortunately, the Diamondback offense responded with six runs and the team’s defense stepped up over the next six innings. Sochacki (2-2) recorded his second win of the season by limiting the Strays to five hits and walking none over the seven-inning complete game. He also failed to record a strikeout. “After the first inning, the defense was there. It was solid. They made the 18 plays that needed to be made,” said Sochacki.

In game two, the Diamondbacks would not be quite as lucky. Nine errors were made over the course of the game that led to 14 unearned Stray runs.

“Thank the Lord that my high school isn’t grading this performance,” said perennial rookie Phil Viggianni, who led the Diamondbacks with three errors.

The D-backs did put up a fight with their bats as Ryan Flood and Thad Sochacki homered, cutting the lead at one point to three runs. A dramatic comeback fell three runs and two feet shy in the bottom of the seventh as clean-up man Eric Lovitsch flew out to deep right-center with the bases loaded for the final out of the game.

Senese, who had been in a 2 for 35 (.057 BA) slump since opening day went 2-4 with four RBI in the first game. The Diamondbacks won the Game One, 7-2.

“I’m not sure what he was on that day, but he really responded in pressure situations,” said Saturday’s interim manager Ed Sochacki. “In one game, he doubled his hit total on the season and while I will have to check the stats, those could have been his first RBI on the year,” he said.

Senese, who responded to the Canseco allegations through a hired interpreter, released a statement saying that “he was sorry for whatever people thought Canseco thought about thinking he (Canseco) thought that he (Senese) had him (Canseco) injecting HGH into his (Senese’s) buttox.”

The release went on adding “I was working on the Cicero field all day on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and I am sadden that Mr. Canseco took this opportunity to slander my good name, athletic prowess and buttox with these wildly outrageous accusations. I categorically deny these and all other rumors that I am also dancing in an All-Male Review in Boy’s Town at the Berlin Night Club on Wednesday evenings at 1:00am to make extra money for maintenance and field repairs at our home ball park.”

Although a skid of fresh sod appeared at the Cicero Sports Complex on Tuesday afternoon, league officials were unaware of any funding being diverted to Home Depot.

“It was a coincident that skid of Kentucky Blue Grass sod arrived when it did,” said Senese. Officials at Home Depot did not return calls regarding who funded the sod shipment.

Teammates also were unwilling to comment on Canseco’s allegations or on Senese’s side job, although catcher Chris O’Connell (who was not in attendance at the game) said he heard from other team members on Sunday that “Senese was on edge Saturday morning and had a clear outbreak of acne.”

Members of the U.S. Senate Subcommittee on Steroids in Baseball said that they are looking into these allegations by Canseco.

Other Notes: The Diamondbacks are on a current 8 game winning streak between both Saturday and Sunday leagues. Rookie Phil Vigganni, who missed both games last Saturday, was recovering from a hangover from his high school graduation party, but rebounded nicely to catch Game 1 of Sunday’s series against the Rebels. Brett and Ryan Flood will square off in a Paper-Rock-Scissor, best-of-three series to see which one will start the second game of Saturday’s double header. Steinway and Sons Piano Company and outfielder Dan Hollingsted reached a tentative endorsement agreement for the 2006 Season pending his race performance with their piano in two weeks. Plenty of tickets are available via the Diamondback website (http://www.evergreenparkdiamondbacks.com) for all July games, including Fan Appreciation Day on July 10th.
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“For a long time, the Diamondbacks have been a great product endorser for Krylon,” said Sherwin-Williams CEO Chris Connor. “The were the epitome of our ‘No Runs, no drips, no errors’ advertising slogan. Unfortunately, with the rash of errors their defense has allowed this season and their offense’s outburst of run production, we need to look elsewhere,” he said, “and they are playing like a bunch of drips right now.”

Manager Joe Cipolla refrained from comment regarding the team’s fielding percentage but did mention the hardships of maintaining a semi-professional baseball field without corporate sponsorship. “We don’t have the luxury of a full-time grounds crew. Our right fielder, Sergio Senese is out there 4 days a week working on the field with very little help and it’s affected his offensive productivity at the plate.”

Senese, who was reached by phone late yesterday afternoon said that the team is in negotiations with the Sanchez Brothers Landscaping Company. “They are bonded and insured,” said Senese, “and they do a great job keeping lawns green and healthy.”

All 11 Sanchez brothers were either unavailable for comment or did not return calls placed to their Burbank residence.

“We need to continue to get the quality starts from our starting rotation,” said Cipolla. “Over the past eight games, our rotation has given us 7 quality starts. This trend needs to continue,” he said.

Going into this weekend’s games, the Diamondbacks (7-1) will be led by Thad Sochacki (2-0; 0.66 ERA; 21 IP; 20K) and Matt “not to be confused with Billy” Koch (1-0; 0.00 ERA; 5 IP; 9K) on Saturday against the Naperville Cardinals at 11am at Stickney Field (4200 South Ridgeland). Sunday, taking the mound for the Diamondbacks will be sophomore sensation Eddie Milas (1-1; 2.78 ERA; 13 IP; 15K) against the Chicago Hawks. Milas will be looking to bounce back from his first loss of the season.

Strangely absent from this weekend’s rotation is veteran right-handed pitcher Ed Sochacki (2-0; 0.58 ERA; 12 IP; 10K). According to clubhouse sources, Sochacki has become frustrated with his apparent demotion in the rotation. Said Sochacki, “If you look at last year’s stats, I led the league in wins, strikeouts and lowest ERA. I also had the lowest batting average against and the lowest ERA in the league. I should be starting this weekend.”

Unlike the preferential treatment his younger brother Thad is receiving, having moved his start date up to accommodate a business trip to Minnesota, Ed will be starting Tuesday night’s 8pm game against the Chicago Clowns at 11100 South King Drive. Before the Diamondbacks take the field that day, Ed will be in Oak Brook attending the In-Store Marketing Summit, representing his company, BHI Design. Said Ed, “It’s an all day event and it’s all the way in the suburbs. Fighting traffic will definitely be difficult. I’ve talked to [Cipolla] and I told him I was concerned about making it to the game on time. Apparently, he wants to take the chance on Chicago traffic congestion and possibly not see me at the game.”

Manager Cipolla was unavailable for comment as he was at the hospital witnessing his wife give birth to their second daughter on Monday night but an unnamed clubhouse member was quoted as saying, “(Ed) was rained out once this year and that didn’t sit very well with him. We want him on the mound for us pitching, plus with all the internal bets going on between the brothers Sochacki this year, it’s not going to be pretty if he doesn’t get his innings in this year. Cipolla should realize that “quality starts” don’t mean [crap] to the Sochacki’s. They’re two of the most competitive people I know. Thank God they’re brothers.”

With the nine game schedule, the Diamondbacks are hoping the arms hold up and that they can take at least seven of the nine upcoming games. Ed will be available on Saturday and Sunday to be used out of the bullpen, should the games be close. As the innings start added up over the next week, look for the Diamondbacks to call on their bullpen anchored by Brett Priestman (1-0; 2 IP; 0.00 ERA; 2K) and Dan Hollingsted (0-0; 1 IP; 0.00 ERA; 1K).

The Diamondback bullpen has yet to yield a run this year but will be put to the test this weekend. “They will have a lot to do with the number of games we win over the next eight days,” rookie Koch said.

Other notes:
Catcher Chris O’Connell will be back with the Diamondbacks after taking an extended leave to attend his brother’s wedding in Las Vegas. The Diamondbacks have reached sponsorship terms with Quigley’s Bar and Grille and are close to inking a deal with Hooters Restaurant. Team sources indicated the hold up revolved around legal rights pertaining to cross-promotions involving the Diamondbacks and Hooters Girls. Phil Viggianni is still listed as day-to-day with a jammed index finger and is questionable for Saturday’s games. Pete Gubricky’s rehabilitation on his broken hand is going as well as expected and Diamondback trainer Sal Bellisimo believes Gubricky could be back by the July 4th weekend. Kurt Saberi (a.k.a The Persian Persuasion) made his first appearance this season last Sunday and went 1 for 3. His album “Zip, Zap, Rap” has gone double-copper with 25 albums sold to date. It is rumored that Saberi will be singing the National Anthem at Sunday’s game.

Diamondback pitcher Ed Sochacki took the mound in 90-degree heat and threw a gem of a game and the team’s solid defensive play contributed to a 2-1 victory over the A’s. The A’s threatened three times during the game but failed to score a run until the 5th inning. Sochacki (5-2) scattered six hits and a walk over 6.2 innings while striking out nine and allowing one unearned run. It was his highest strikeout total since opening day, 2003.

With the D-backs up 2-1 with two outs in the bottom of the 7th, confusion beset both home plate and field umpires. With the count 2-2, Sochacki missed with a slider on the outer portion of the plate. The home plate umpire called ball four and awarded first base to the batter. Sochacki immediately ran to the home plate umpire to dispute the balls and strike count but was overruled by the field umpire.

“We were tracking his pitches,” said Manager Joe Cipolla, “and in our books, the count was two-and-two before the fifth pitch was thrown to the batter. The umpire blew the call.”

Sochacki opted to remove himself from the game with the runner on first and Pete Gubricky came in relief for the save opportunity.

“It was really hot out there and I lost my focus when the umpire lost track of the count,” Sochacki said. “I didn’t want to make a mistake to the next hitter by leaving a fastball down the center of the plate, so it was best that I pulled myself out of the game.”

Gubricky, who came on for his second save opportunity of the season, gave up a duck-snort to left field but induced the next batter to ground out to short. As the ball was hit, the base runner from second interfered with third baseman Brett Flood on the play and was called out for the third out of the game.

“It certainly got exciting,” said Gubricky “but the bottom line is that we won 2-1.”

In game two of the double header, Thad Sochacki took the mound in search of his fifth victory of the season but was rudely greeted by the A’s bats as they came out swinging, looking to avenge the morning loss.

The A’s scored 10 times over the course of 6 innings while the Diamondback offense failed to get on track. Sochacki allowed 7 earned runs along with a tape-measure 3-run homer to deep left-center field to the A’s clean-up batter. The homer was the first walk-off slaughter rule homer allowed by Diamondback pitchers in the team’s history. The shutout was also the first time this season that the D-backs failed to score a run and by far was the worst pitching performance for the younger Sochacki this season.

Things got so bad for Sochacki that his father, who was in attendance, left the game in the fourth inning to go home and watch the Cross-town Sox-Cubs game on WGN. When asked to comment, Mr Sochacki said that “Thad should not have been watering the infield between games and he should have been resting on the bench because he knew he was pitching the second game.”

Thad Sochacki closed his locker room door and refused to comment to the media.

Said Cipolla, “I thought we got great pitching in game one and that we would be in a good position to sweep but it’s hard to win in this league when you spot 10 runs to the opposing team and your offense fails to score. We’ll just learn from our mistakes and come out fighting our next game.”

And so the story goes…