Snowpocalypse 2011 Competition

Get ready everyone, it’s coming (well, depending on who you believe)… According to advanced weather models, Chicago is about to be hit with upwards of 20″ of snow over the next few days. And, because we are all expecting hundreds of thousands of people to be stuck in their homes, AND, because we know many [...]

First white mayoral candidate enters race

As reported by Channel 13 today, Chicago’s first white candidate for mayor has finally stepped forward to announce his intentions to run – and with the announcement, a political shit-storm the size of Lake Michigan is sure to follow. TK-822, better known in the YouTube community as “Unemployed Stormtrooper” announced today that he will be [...]

10 Things Chicago Solved for the World

Or so we thought… Over her history, Chicago is a city rich in tradition, ethnic diversity, and historical significance. From the Great Chicago Fire and the Columbian Exposition of 1893, to the Prohibition Era, Gangsters, and the birth of the Chicago Political Machine, the city’s magnificent accomplishments, while many, have also been overshadowed by what [...]

10 Things Chicago (continued)

#6 – Disco Inferno. We tried, so they say, to destroy disco once and for all on July 12th back in 1979 at Comiskey Park. But, based on the rampant “resampling” on rap albums and on dance tracks, it appears we failed. Epically. #5 – Vote Early, Vote Often. A slogan that rose from the [...]

Lasagna For Dummies

Using all the same ingredients from the Republican Lasagna recipe, begin by doing the following: segregate the pork, beef and turkey from the original meat filling. Discard the pork and turkey because their flavors are too diverse. For this bland, economically-affordable version, we’ll just use the ground beef because it’s a cheaper alternative, is subsidized [...]

Palos Heights Mayor issues challenge to area golfers

If you thought Tiger Woods was the best golfer in the world, think again. Palos Heights Mayor Bob Straz has been honing his golf game for the past 12 months and says he’s “never been golfing better.” TJSN analyst agree that Straz may just possibly be better than Tiger Woods was in his prime – [...]

Please try again: All operators are busy

The Evergreen Diamondbacks started the 2010 baseball season off on the right foot this past Sunday with two big victories over the Cicero Devils, but several Diamondback players were missing in action, despite their assurances to manager Sergio Senese that they would be at the game. “Everyone knows that if I don’t call you, it [...]

Sochacki, Mayo Clinic hope for best

As the weather warms and Spring Training rapidly approaches, one cornerstone to Evergreen Park Diamondbacks finds himself heading north.

Hitler abandons site for one with information

The Evergreen Park Diamondbacks today announced that Hitler and his senior staff have closed their subscriptions to the Evergreen Park Diamondback website and instead, are getting their baseball propaganda from TomJalana.com. Said the actor who plays Hitler in the movie, “We have had it with the lack of updates on the Evergreen Park Diamondback website. [...]

As Virus Shuts Down Studio, Jalana and Moorsey turn to the “Last Resort”

In what was initially a highly anticipated weekend in film for Tom Jalana and his team at Flying-J Studios, a lack of creativity infected the team, causing the immediate shut-down of their production for the 48 Hour Film Competition. Overall, only two members of the 22-person crew escaped without being infected by the virus. Actress [...]

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TJSN Latest

• Former SSWBL Players Hit the Silver Screen
• Happy 14th Birthday Jessica
• Chicago digs out, planet spirals out of control
• Snowpocalypse 2011 Competition
• Sochacki Communications reveals secret Chili recipe
• First white mayoral candidate enters race
• 10 Things Chicago Solved for the World
• 10 Things Chicago (continued)
• Republicans, Democrats enjoy bi-partisan lasagna
• Lasagna For Dummies
• Flashback Podcast – April 20th, 2007
• Palos Heights Mayor issues challenge to area golfers
• Diamondbacks dust off broom for Opening Day exorcism of Devils
• Please try again: All operators are busy
• “Urine” Mayo Clinic: Welcome to the best healthcare anywhere