Team Sochacki, Good Samaritan reach agreement

By Tom Jalana
for TJSN.com

Published: June 4, 2009

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Ed Sochacki and his wife Michelle announced today that contract negotiations have finally ended with their overall number one draft selection, Good Samaritan Hospital, for the delivery of their first child on June 6th.

While terms of the deal were not disclosed at the time of this article’s publication, it is believed that Team Sochacki received everything they were looking for in the deal.

“I just want a comfortable bed and the best care possible for our baby and me during our stay,” said Michelle Sochacki. “Unfortunately, my husband had a number of performance-based clauses that he wanted guaranteed.”

The list of guaranteed demands requested by Ed are rumored to include the following:
• A high-speed, wireless internet connection
• Additional power strips and outlets for his computer, video cameras and photography gear
• Permission to film the next sequel to Unemployed Stormtrooper in the hospital
• A 6’2” – 6’4” staff intern that can suit up in his Darth Vader costume
• Enough space to set up a 12-foot green screen, for walk-out video updates
• Unfettered access to the hospital’s helium tanks for munchkin voice-overs

While talks stalled at the 11th hour last night, a phone call from TomJalana.com was placed to hospital administration promising to include a 5-second FCC-mandated delay in broadcast transmission to the Internet.

Although lawyers for Team Sochacki initially objected to the delay, on grounds that the Internet can not be regulated by any governing body, it was discovered that Good Sam’s internet provider was Comcast. Since Good Sam’s is not a preexisting Comcast customer, the actual upload speed of the streaming video feed will be much slower that what the company advertises to new customers on TV, and will cost much more.

Prior to their scheduled 7pm Sunday arrival at Good Samaritan Hospital, Ed Sochacki will be taking the mound in Game One of the Evergreen Park Diamondbacks doubleheader against the DuPage Irish at 11am at St. Xavier University’s ballpark. His wife Michelle will be on hand as well and will be available for autographs and photo opps, with all proceeds going to the Baby Sochacki College Fund.

Said Ed, “This is a big weekend for us, and it’s a really important series for the Diamondbacks as we try to even our record out for the year. I’m just happy that we were able to work the birth of our child in around my scheduled start.”

For those interested in following the latest news and updates on Team Sochacki, stay tuned to this site for up-to-the-minute updates, photos and videos. As Sunday quickly approaches, the site will be updated hourly first, and then between contractions. Only TomJalana.com can bring you this exclusive, in-depth coverage!

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