Editor’s note: This story was originally intended for publication the week of June 20th, however, the material was seized by government officials under the Patriot Act and the War on Terror. It has now been cleared for public consumption.

On Saturday and Sunday, the Evergreen Park Diamondback offense resembled a WWII battleship, as the team shelled their opponents into submission in each of the four games over the weekend.

“Bombs, all bombs,” said centerfielder Brett Flood, “that’s all we hit.”

The Diamondbacks fell behind early, trailing Naperville by five runs after three innings before the offense launched their unrelenting assault on the opposition’s pitching staff in the bottom of the third inning. 13 unanswered runs were scored and before anyone noticed, the game was halted for the “slaughter rule.” Final score, Diamondbacks 13, Naperville 5.

Game two on Saturday saw more of the same. Another Diamondback win by slaughter. After five innings, it was the Diamondbacks 12, Naperville 2.

24-hours later, the offense launched another assault, this time on the West Cicero Cubs. 29 runs were to score over 10 innings of play. Another double-header, another double slaughter. The Diamondback pitching staff also contributed with 10 shut-out innings.

A total of 54 runs were scored in a combined total of 20 innings.

After Sunday’s game, Diamondback Manager Joe Cipolla was informed that United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan received a call complaining about the slaughters that occurred over the weekend at the hands of the Diamondbacks.

“We are looking into sanctions, although I can not say exactly what they will be,” said Annan. “When there is this much of a disparity of power in the league, we must try and make things more fair or all. Nobody likes to get slaughtered,” he said.

Cipolla, who has been disgruntled with the lack of aid provided by member teams for field maintenance said his team “will not allow sanctions to cripple the team” and that the Diamondbacks “will triumphantly march on toward victory and capture both league titles.”

“Annan is a non-factor and this is not a democracy,” said Cipolla.

Tagged with: Brett Flood, Cicero Cubs, Evergreen Park Diamondbacks, Joe Cipolla, Naperville Cardnials

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